New York. 9:08 PM.

Little did he know that inside one of the shoes inside one of the 5 boxes inside of the larger box sitting there by his desk was a bacteria that would come in contact with his skin when he excitedly tried the shoes on without socks.  When he got home the bacteria would turn to a fungus and begin giving off a peculiar smell. Feeling overwhelmingly amped about his new shoes, when his girlfriend comments about the smell he feels she is not letting him enjoy his momentary joy. He decides she will not let him enjoy anything and runs out of the house barefoot throwing the shoes against the wall like a spoiled child. Stomping down the street barefoot, the bacteria mixes with a rare strain of fungus from rat piss that he unknowingly walks over. One month later he is in the hospital being treated for what they think is a bad case of athletes foot. The topical antio-biotics have an adverse reaction to the bacteria and he loses his foot. As a result he sues the hospital and wins $10,000,000. He goes on a journey around the world, bouncing like a pogo-stick from one place to the next, trying to make up for everything that he has lost. On a white water rafting trip in Sudan he meets a children’s rights activist who convinces him to donate the rest of his money to her cause. He does it. Meanwhile pirates who were forced to abandon the ocean find out that he had won $10,000,000 in a lawsuit over his missing foot. They kidnap him. Their demand is $5,000,000. He chuckles and says he gave it all away. They laugh too and kill him. A school is built in his name with the donation. Ten years later a kid from that school in Sudan is working for an online shoe company in New York and blogging about sneaker culture. This is his story.

New York. 9:08 pm.

Riding the A train home after a late evening of work, Halden Shoefield sat alone at the end of the train. An obnoxious group of teenagers stood in the middle of the car seemingly trying to make as much noise as possible. He sat there unaware of the cacophony staring between two ads in front of him. “1-800-DIVORCE” on the upper left and “Dr. Smile Teeth Whitenning” on the upper right. He remembered his dentist had told him that the pain in his teeth was probably coming from stress over his divorce.

Suddenly the train jolted back. The package he had been guarding on his lap fell to the floor as the conductor announced “We are being temporarily held due to a police investigation on the A line.”

He looked down at the box, losing himself in the return address, and wondered if he just left it there if people would think it was a bomb.

New York. 9:08 pm.

Her pouty lips and wide-eyed wonder was like a modern siren inviting men to lose themselves from one drink on the rocks. She asked nothing yet they always gave everything. Beneath the smooth naivety of her youth was a lore of lure not even the most calloused of con-men could have contrived.

She delicately opened the door to the lounge and walked in to the far corner. Sitting there, under the brightest light at the end of the bar idling, waiting to be opened.

New York. 9:08 PM. 

It’s drizzling and dreary. The phone rings.

“Did you get the package,” a muffled voice asks.

“What, sorry?” Halden responds confused. 

“Did you get the package,” the gruff voice repeats.

“I think you have the wrong number,” Halden responds.

“The package is for you Halden. Check outside your door,” the stranger retorts firmly.

“What?” Halden responds. He’s suddenly very nervous and feels like he’s being watched.

“Hello? Who is this?” Halden demands.

The stranger hangs up.

Halden is left listening to the pitter patter of rain and the dial-tone.

He puts the phone down and looks around his apartment, thinks about going to the door, and just sits down on his couch.

Being the clever sissy he is, he calls his neighbor and invites her over for a drink so he doesn’t have to go outside and look for himself.

5 minutes laters there’s a knock on the door. His heart rushes, forgetting he had invited the neighbor. He goes and looks through the peephole.

The neighbor is standing there with a bottle of wine and a big package in hand.

Halden is thirsty.

At exactly 9:08 PM four different strangers received packages. Halden Bablunji knew exactly why he didn’t want to open the box. Halden Sneezcough’s secrets were uncovered when his intern searched through his Amazon account. A man stayed at work late avoiding his girlfriend after she’d found out what he’d ordered and Halden Sneezefield’s relationship with the cleaning woman at his office was about take a dire turn for the worse.

And, at 9:08 PM, one man whom none of them had ever met or knew of, had a big package that would forever change each of their lives.

The package had been sitting there on his desk for 7 1/2 hours now.

It was 9:08 PM and everyone had left the office except Halden Bablunji. As he wrote the 6th draft of a business plan he had been working on for 3 months, he heard someone enter the office. His heart raced. He had been caught off-guard by the sound. It was only the cleaning lady. He gathered his breath and sunk back into his chair.

His eyes glanced over at the package on his desk. He hadn’t found the time during the day to open it or to even wonder what was inside. The return address had a name on it he had never seen before, but the address itself he recognized as being near to where his cousins lived in Nigeria.

He knew why they had done that and didn’t want to open the box.

He had a big package.

Little did he know.

Little do most men know. No wonder they always want to belittle me.

It was 9:08 PM on a windy, rainy, lonely, boring Thursday night. Everyone had left work except an intern. She had stayed behind to try to snoop through the computer of Halden Sneezecough. As she approached his desk, she was flushed with anxiety and felt nervous goosebumps rush up her arm. She opened up amazon and was shocked to see what he had purchased just before leaving work.

Little did he know that a simple purchase from an online store could possibly be broadcasted to every single person he knew on facebook and lead to the impending doom of his relationship.

It was 9:08 PM on a rainy Thursday night when his girlfriend saw what he had done. Scared to meet her, he pretended that he had a huge project due the next day and had cancelled their dinner via a text message saying he was slammed with work.